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Bomp-Bomp-Bomp. Another one bites the dust.

Looks like Prosebox is going the way of the dinosaurs, so I’m coming back here, just to have a place to write. If you’re here from Prosebox, let me know.
So, the super-quick summary of all that's happened since I last wrote:

  • Totaled my car

  • Moved to Vermont

  • Re-enrolled in college

  • Found out I was pregnant, then miscarried at 7-1/2 weeks

  • Worked two jobs while putting myself through college

  • Bought a new(er) car (a 2011 Subaru Legacy, fully loaded; I had been driving a 2008 Chevy Cobalt)

  • Fell in love, fer realz (like, we are definitely getting married; it's just a question of when)

Other than that, life is boring. As I assume it often is when you're in your late twenties.

Also, I have not had time to write anything for my fics, although I always have plot bunnies hopping around and breeding in my head.

I can't promise I'll be here a lot (I'm usually over at Prosebox; basically the same name, but without the underscore in the middle), but I'll try to update more than once a year, and try to get back into writing.
Four tv shows you enjoy that were made in the last five years
1. Archer
2. Game of Thrones
3. Bojack Horseman
4. Broad City

Four tv shows you enjoyed that were made more five years ago
1. Animaniacs
2. South Park
3. Twilight Zone
4. Star Trek

Six of the most recent films you have watched
1. Eye in the Sky
2. A Little Chaos
3. Star Wars TFA
4. Avengers: Age of Ultron
5. The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
6. What If?

Eight favourite cities or towns you have visited
1. New York City
2. Dublin, Ireland
3. Boston
4. Brattleboro, VT
5. Orlando
6. Cleveland
7. I suck and I'm broke, so I don't travel.
8. And I grew up poor, so my family didn't travel much, either.

Three of your favourite kinds of weather
1. Cool and sunny
2. Thunderstorms
3. Cool and cloudy

Four places you would like to visit
1. London
2. Edinburgh
3. Paris
4. Prague

Six tv shows you enjoyed as a child
1. Animaniacs
2. Batman: The Animated Series
3. Ren and Stimpy (when I could watch it)
4. Hey Arnold!
5. Rugrats
6. Doug

Four periods from history that you find interesting
1. The Dark Ages
2. The Russian Revolution and USSR
3. The early 20th century
4. The American Revolution

Five favourite things to eat for breakfast
1. Toaster Strudels (cream cheese or blueberry)
2. Poppyseed bagels
3. Breakfast burritos
4. Cinnamon rolls/sticky buns
5. Cereal

Five favourite things to drink
1. Coffee
2. Iced tea, unsweetened
3. Water
4. Orange juice (LOTS OF PULP, anything besides that is a sin against good taste)
5. Iced coffee with a touch of half-and-half and Sugar in the Raw

Three things you’re excited for next year
1. I'm going back to Vermont in August!
2. Finishing my B.A.
3. Getting the fuck out of the Midwest (I've decided that Indiana is to the US what Belarus is to the EU: The Last Dictatorship.)

Down Came The Rain

Blurgh. This was going to be for waywardmixes, but I missed the deadline. Blurgh, dumb, energy-sapping job. (Also blurgh, dumb short-term memory issues.)

Title: Down Came The Rain
Trope: Tear Jerker
Fandom: Generally applicable
Warnings: Swearing in some tracks; drug references; definitely not happy.

2016 hasn't been a good year so far, for numerous reasons. So I decided to make a mix that reflects this. The base image was made with Easy Tiger's Fused app on an iPhone 5, then edited with GIMP.

Something I Can Never Have | Nine Inch Nails

In this place it seems like such a shame.
Though it all looks different now,
I know it's still the same
Everywhere I look you're all I see.
Just a fading fucking reminder of who I used to be.

Hurt | Johnny Cash

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair.
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear.
You are someone else.
I am still right here.

What have I become?
My sweetest friend.
Everyone I know goes away
In the end.
And you could have it all,
My empire of dirt,
I will let you down,
I will make you hurt.

Wild Horses | The Sundays

I know I've dreamed you a sin and a lie
I have my freedom, but I don't have much time
Faith has been broken, tears must be cried
Let's do some living after we die

Moonlight Sonata | Ludwig von Beethoven

How Soon Is Now | The Smiths

When you say it's gonna happen now
Well, when exactly do you mean?
See, I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone.

You Found Me | The Fray

Where were you
When everything was falling apart?
All my days
Spent by the telephone
That never rang
And all I needed was a call
That never came
From the corner of First and Amistad

Hallelujah | Rufus Wainwright

There was a time when you let me know
What's really going on below
But now you never show that to me, do ya?
But remember when I moved in you
The holy dove was moving too
And every breath we drew was Hallelujah

I'll Be | Edwin McCain

I'll be your cryin' shoulder
I'll be love suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Life on Mars? | David Bowie

But the film is a saddening bore
For she's lived it ten times or more
She could spit in the eyes of fools
As they ask her to focus on

Sailors fighting in the dance hall
Oh man!
Look at those cavemen go
It's the freakiest show
Take a look at the Lawman
Beating up the wrong guy
Oh man! Wonder if he'll ever know
He's in the best selling show
Is there life on Mars?

So Like a Rose | Garbage

Sleeping with ghosts
It's such a lonely experience
The stars are out tonight
Only they can hear you breathing

You're so like a rose.
You're so like a rose.
You're so like a rose,
I wish you could stay here.

Life, the Universe, and Everything

This happened last Friday:

And on Monday, once the swelling and redness were gone:

These were my inspiration:

And this was my original sketch (I'm so, so happy I decided to replace the "A" with the Deathly Hallows symbol):

(I can has art talent? No? OK then. //sadface//)

It's all of my favorite/most important things: An Alan Rickman memorial, my lifelong devotion to Harry Potter, and my burning desire to get pancreatic cancer to not be the third-leading cause of cancer death in the developed world.

The purple ribbon also stands for ADHD, epilepsy, domestic violence, and child abuse awareness, plus pancreatic cancer, as I found out while researching it. It's basically everything I could ever want in a ribbon.

I know, radio silence on this end. The last few months have absolutely whipped me. I went from a great, high-paying gig with Google (demo'ing virtual field trip technology in schools, which oh my god, I LUHHHHHHVED that job!; I just really didn't like the wear and tear it was putting on my still-not-paid-off car, so I declined another wave and instead wrote up some reports and training brochures I thought would be super-helpful, which also could put me in higher standing for a permanent, NYC-based job, //squee!//) to a horrible, low-paying one with the Indiana State Police (on paper, I'm an admin assistant; in reality, I'm Milton Waddams, and I think they actually *did* fire me two weeks ago and forgot to tell me). Depression, manageable but I really wish I could get my Healthy Indiana Plan paperwork filed sooner, because I really can't function well without my meds. And I'm still horribly sad over Alan Rickman's death, way more than I should be. It's not that I don't think I'm handling it well, I think I am, I'm just... Not okay. He was a huge part of my life for fourteen years, and I will always feel like I should have thanked him for what he did for me (long story, it's actually up at Wattpad, if anyone wants the link) and in spite of having had two opportunities -when I saw Creditors in 2010 and when my best friend and I saw Seminar in 2012- I didn't. I think I have less grief over this than just a huge, horrible, triple-whammy Catholic/Jewish/Pentecostal upbringing guilt over it.

But to end on a happy note, I have a vague scene in mind for the next chapter of my Snily fic! That's a good sign for me; most of the scenes I write are fuzzy and vague until I get them on paper, when I can really hammer out the details. After almost six months of having no creative spark whatsoever, I'll take it.

2016 is not going to be a good year.

I had an inkling that it wasn't when my stepdad told me, at five-thirty in the morning, that David Bowie had died. I did not take it well (then again, I don't take anything well before I have my coffee.) He was right up there as one of my favorite musicians, along with Garbage, Green Day, the Beatles, and Depeche Mode. And then it was solidified when Alan Rickman, my favorite actor and biggest personal and creative inspiration, died just three days later.

Cancer can go suck a ten-gallon barrel of chemo-filled dicks. It runs in my family, too: My great-grandmother died from pancreatic cancer (the same kind that Rickman died from) in 1993. My great-aunt died from breast cancer in 1996. My paternal grandfather died from lung cancer in 2005. My great-uncle died from leukemia in 2009. My grandfather was treated for prostate cancer in 2001, and when he died from a heart attack last August, he had an early stage of leukemia. My grandmother had skin cancer removed from her face in 2004. I hate cancer, I really fucking hate cancer, and I'm scared knowing that it runs in my family. My mother has been feeling tired and sick lately, and all I can think is, "Not my mom. NOT MY MOM." (She and I have a fractious relationship, to put it lightly, but she's still my mom, and I don't want to think of my mom having cancer.)

I also --and this is the first time I've told anyone except my mother-- had a cancer scare in 2011. I was being treated for HPV, and the day after one of my last six-month cervical exams, my gynecologist called and told me, "Those abnormal cells on your cervix haven't reduced at all in size. It's been eighteen months, so this is a little worrying. Come in next week so I can biopsy them, and we'll take it from there."

So there I was, sitting on my bed with my candybar phone next to me, thinking, "This is it. I'm twenty-two and I have cancer." I'm sure that getting that kind of news is terrifying at any age, but at 22, it seemed unspeakably unfair. I hadn't even lived yet, and now I was going to have fucking cancer?! Which would probably end up with part of my cervix removed, taking away my choice to have kids or not? I wasn't the best kid in the world (massive understatement), but I couldn't think of anything I'd done that was terrible enough to get this kind of karmic justice.

I was lucky: The biopsy came back non-cancerous, but goddamn, that was one stubborn case of HPV. Even my gyno couldn't believe how difficult it was to treat, as benign as it was. But I still harbor a fear that someday, in the future, I'll go in for my exam and two days later get a call saying, "You'd better come in; your Pap came back abnormal," only to find I wasn't out of the woods, not by a long shot. The virus that causes cervical cancer could still be in me, and what if it's in my DNA now, just waiting to fuck up some other part of my body? My uterus, my ovaries, my lungs or kidneys or pancreas? My blood cells?

Yeah, cancer scares me. Not as much as dementia (and I'd rather die from cancer, with my brain and personality intact, than from dementia, reduced to a barely-functioning drain on the people around me), but still badly.

On the other hand, I've never been the type to sit around and mope. Since Alan Rickman's death, I've registered for Purple Stride at IUPUI in June, and I'm going to use this weekend to find out about any "couch to 5k" programs I can start at the Y. I'm really out of shape (pretty much at the right weight, but I've got no stamina) and I've never been much of a runner, but I registered to do an untimed 5k, so we'll see how that goes. And who knows, maybe I'll make a runner out of me yet.

To end on a slightly funny note: Today's Question of the Day is "how do you feel about Donald Trump as President?" This may or may not be common knowledge, but I'm a raging liberal/socialist, so whenever I think of that racist motherfucker with his piss-colored toupee as the head of the so-called "free world", I have the following reactions:

RIP, Alan Rickman

I have spent all day being either numb from shock or in floods. My heart hurts, my soul hurts, everything hurts. He was my favorite actor and a constant inspiration, and many times, his work was the only bright part of my life.

I knew he'd die someday, but not this soon. Not from cancer. I hate cancer, so much.

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on that sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

--Dylan Thomas

Probably my last LJ entry of 2015...

A survey! Answers are all in pictures.

Read more...Collapse )

So, I hate Chase Bank.

I got hit with an insufficient funds fee. Two of them, actually. AGAIN. And wasn't alerted to it via text message, like I have it set up. AGAIN.

This is the fifth time in five months that Chase has hit me with an insufficient funds fee WITHOUT letting me know my account was overdrawn in the first place. And, AND! They've let it go way out of hand before, too. This time, it's $130, enabled by an electric bill I don't owe (how can I possibly owe money on the electricity for an apartment I not only wasn't living in, but also wasn't using electricity in, for this month?! HOW, IPL?!) and will absolutely be calling IPL about. Seriously. I moved out of my apartment on November 30th. In October, I set my cut-off date as December 15th. HOW can I possibly owe IPL anything apart from the balance from my "budget" plan (read: "I'm broke af plan")?

Not to mention, Chase has some shady as fuck history with misusing clients' funds. Including backing Bernie Madoff's Ponzi scheme, for which their CEO was fined $2 billion in lieu of prosecutors bringing criminal charges (but considering Chase is the largest bank in the US, I doubt $2 billion hurt them; plus, I'm sure they bought that judgment to begin with), and their $13 billion bribe to the US government (for what, I don't know; if you know, tell me).

And hoo-fucking-ray, Christmas is coming. Good thing I only needed to buy gifts for my niece, and that I got them taken care of last week.

I fucking hate Chase Bank. Fortunately, I have a savings account with Ally, so I just (literally, about 15 minutes ago) set up a checking account with them. I have been looking high and low for a way out of Chase for about six years, and got stopped by the stupidest things: The price of a new debit card. The price of new checks. The hassle of changing the account number for direct deposit. Well, now Chase has finally pushed me to the "fuck-it" point: I don't care anymore about spending money for a new debit card and new checks. Fortunately, Ally offers both free. (It's probably one book of checks, but whatever; I'm not renting anymore, which is basically all I was using my checks for anyway.)

Sayonara, Chase; it hasn't been a pleasure.



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